


The Crossing Guard

by AredandNoirbutterfly



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: AU, Don't Judge Me, M/M, Mentions of Anxiety, i know i suck, mentions of depression, non descriptive accident, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-11-30 22:29:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11472978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AredandNoirbutterfly/pseuds/AredandNoirbutterfly
Summary: After moving to a new city a few years back, Luhan’s sudden interest in the familiar face of the every day crossing guard on the way to his job has him not only annoyed but strangely curious. Originally written for Luminfics Fest 2017 (and slightly modified because I was very annoyed...)





	The Crossing Guard

There was nothing more boring than routine. Not to Luhan anyway. 

The sun was shining, the wind was blowing. It was another typical day. Luhan had a set routine for his mornings, a set square from his home, to his favorite cafe every morning for breakfast. to his job, then back to his home if there was nothing in between, and there normally wasn't; he had frowned once he realized that. He pulled the sleeve of his white dress shirt slightly in order to glance at his watch, hoping to god he had enough time to pump his blood with caffeine. In all honesty, Luhan was not a morning person. He wasn't a morning person at fourteen, and at twenty-six that had not changed at all. He also hated coffee. He hated the bitter taste and terribly bitter anxious feeling he'd get a few hours after, though admittedly it was mostly his fault for always drinking it straight, black, no sugar and on an empty stomach. Nonetheless he woke up every morning to head towards the _"Blue Moon"_ Cafe, which sounded more like a shitty night club but was a decent enough spot for his quick fix. Quickly running out the door with irritation in his face after the barista fucked up his order, not once but twice, and running late for work, spilling a few drops of coffee in his immaculate white shirt and mumbling a dreaded 'figures' as he heads down the street, he was hoping to god the streak of bad luck so far isn't here to stay. 

But alas, that hopeful feeling doesn't last, another annoyance adding to his already sour mood.  
It also figures that right by Luhan's job there so happens to be a primary school, so there's tons of kids and their mothers running about. There's a commotion every morning as kids excitedly cross the street and greet their little friends. It annoys the hell out of Luhan because even though he doesn't exactly _hate_ kids, he most definitely can do without their little screams so early in the morning. But that's not even part of his actual annoyance. His annoyance just so happens to be standing a few feet in front of him, a bright gummy smile on his face and a pair of tiny crescents for eyes adorning his features, as is usual, his big baggy clothes emphasizing his short stature.

"Good morning, Sun-Hee! You look awfully cute today~ Don't be mean to the others ok?" he hears the crossing guard say sweetly at the children. It sickened Luhan to no end.  
"Ok! I'll be a good girl, Minseok oppa! Bye bye!" says a cute little voice in answer to the friendly greeting as Luhan approaches the sidewalk, a group of little kids all equally as excited waving to the crossing guard. Luhan sighs dramatically. One of the things he's grown to dislike the most about his morning's is his inevitable run-in with this small crossing guard. He knows his name, Minseok, from what the children say. He's a tiny man child in Luhan's eyes, shorter than him by quite a few centimeters, his hair dyed in a light shade of brown, always sporting a large baggy sweater of some neutral shade as well as a bright yellow vest, a red stop sign in hand as he guides kids and adults alike across. As soon as the group is out of what he deems danger (or so Luhan supposes anyway) the Crossing guard, Minseok, turns to Luhan and smiles widely, a feature Luhan himself has never seen him without. 

"Good morning, Mister Luhan~" he says happily. Luhan smiles despite himself because really, how cheesy can one’s life be to keep this up?  
"Good morning. How are you?" he asks, beating himself up a little because he just left the conversation open for it to continue. Minseok smiles in delight at the opportunity.  
"It's a beautiful day isn't it? Why complain, right? How about you?" he asks hurriedly, seeing how quickly this conversation can end. Luhan doesn't bother to reply and just smiles neutrally as a sign he's continuing with his commute. As he takes a few steps on the safety of the sidewalk on the other side, he completely forgets the interaction with the crossing guard, like he always does, until he hears a small yell of his name, making him turn confusedly, and seeing the small man waving slightly. 

"Life's too beautiful to frown! Smile today, Mr. Luhan!" he tells him in an embarrassingly loud voice which mortifies Luhan to no end no matter how often this happens when they interact. He gives the man an awkward wave and continues on without trying to catch anyones reactions. 

But as he approaches his building, hurriedly and annoyed, Luhan still can't help but smile a bit. 

_Life is beautiful, eh?’_  
He scolds himself and before he knows it, the interaction is forgotten. 

_______________________________________  
At home, Luhan feels the agonizing passing of time and dreading it. 

"You need a hobby, hyung," he hears Yixing say as he switches the channels on Luhan's TV. He's the only one of their group who gets paid enough to afford cable, so there's someone over at his house at least once or twice a week. Luhan runs his hands through his face.  
"Where the hell are the others?? Weren't we supposed to do something fun today or something?" he whines, seeing how non-chalant about it all Yixing is. Even though they've been friends for a long time, Yixing's face hadn't changed at all. He still has that sleepy face and slightly uninterested voice he had since they were just teenagers, running amuck and raising havoc as pure hobby in order to feed their rebellious teenage years. There were originally at least twelve of them in his group, give or take. Some of them losing contact over years as is expected but most of his group remained quite solid even after graduation and college. Yixing, Baekhyun, Chanyeol, Jongin, Kyungsoo, Junmyeon, Jongdae, and their youngest Sehun. It seemed like a lot of people to keep in contact with to anyone who learned of their large friends group, but Luhan was good at keeping contact especially when they all come from the same small town. At a very young age he had met a few of their group, sharing snacks and stories and mischief. The rest came naturally with time and though they all went their separate ways, some of them ended up right in the same spot as Luhan. He was happy with that, hoping that their adventures would continue once they were able to move to a bigger city than their small town. But as time passed, things changed. And yes, he was the only one of them who got paid enough to afford cable, but he was also the only one who rarely got out of town for any reason.

"You know how it is. Baekhyun and Chanyeol are still working. Over time I think since not all of us landed a fancy job like yours" Yixing stated, taking a sip from his beer, "Jongdae is still away on a business trip and I don't even know _where_ the others are right now honestly, half way across the world maybe," he finished. Luhan let out a guttural whine.  
"Ugh what do I keep you guys around here for????? None of you are any fun." he simply stated sliding down his couch and into the pillows to drown out his frustration, like a tantrum. He grimaced that he had asked for permission to take the rest of the day off for nothing. 

That's what Luhan had hated the most. Routine. His whole life was routine now. He had gone to school and studied his ass off in order to find adventure. He moved away from home to find that thrill of life. He hoped he'd be able to travel and see the world. He hoped to be a genius of some kind and end up in books and magazines, a living legend you could see on television. The kind of greatness that made others tear up at first meeting. He wanted nothing more than to achieve an immortality of a different level, not for anything but the thrill of greatness. Honestly, it may have seemed like all bull to everyone, but Luhan had high expectations of his life. It wasn't narcissism, he really didn't care for being famous, especially for nothing extraordinary. He had just wanted to be known as an adventurer, a person that knew how to lead a life to his full potential and never stopping. Instead, he ended up in the most boring city in the world where he has a plain one bedroom apartment, a plain and bland job as an assistant to a publishing company president (not even a newspaper, it's _literally_ just printing stuff) and all his friends have significantly more exciting lives than his own. Even Yixing who lives only a few blocks away from his house has more fun than he does on any regular day.

He frowns deeply. 

"Hey don't make that face, Lu. I know what will cheer you up." Yixing says softly, looking over at him. Luhan looks back at him in the exact same position he was in, his hair bunching up against gravity on the cushions.  
"What?" Luhan asks him. Yixing smiles.  
"Let's go get some coffee." Yixing simply states. Luhan groans, not at all interested.  
"I already had coffee this morning. I don't want more anxiety." he replies. That does nothing for Yixing's sudden enthusiasm. He gets up and goes around the ottoman in Luhan's living room and grabs his arm to forcefully push him up, failing when his target, too, fails to cooperate and instead is using all his weight to stay down.  
"Well I haven't. C'mon, what else do you have to do??" he asks him. 

Luhan gives in with a grunt since he can't come up with an answer. 

They find themselves walking down the familiar street Luhan takes every day for work, Luhan whining again about how his life is boring the fuck out of him. Yixing does nothing but listen. He doesn't ever know what to say when Luhan goes on his life rants. Something he does often. Very, very often.

"I swear it's like they decided to make the dullest city in the world one day and then decided to also stuff the dullest people here as well. I'm gonna lose my shit, Yixing. I can feel it." he states exaggeratedly, voicing his constant thoughts, his anxiety obvious. Yixing is used to this. Luhan is insatiable in movement and becomes easily frustrated when it comes to staying still. He's never been in a place long enough to remember anything. The fact that Luhan has stayed in this exact same city for the last three years was definitely interesting to Yixing and all their friends. He and the others had been trying their damnest to solve the mystery of why Luhan hasn't moved on to satisfy his wanderlust. 

"You're being exaggerating. It's not so bad here. After all, the city is beautiful," Yixing starts, popping one finger up and starting to count his points.  
"No it's not, there's graffiti everywhere.." Luhan mumbles.  
"And it's safe enough to walk around at night," Yixing continues, ignoring him.  
"Not like there's anyone worth killing here," Luhan answers again.  
"And the people here are nice and friendly, don't you think so?" Yixing states as they come up to the sidewalk near the school. Luhan is about to reply, but is quickly blinded by the bright glow of yellow. He sighs internally. Oh great, another installment of "The Crossing Guard" he thinks. There's not that many people walking around at this time of the day, so Minseok quickly spots them reaching the sidewalk, standing up from the chair he had been sitting on, a little umbrella attached to it in a cheap sort of way, but allowing some shade to shield the small crossing guard from the strong rays of the sun.  
"Good afternoon, guys!" Minseok, the crossing guard, smiles that same sweet smile he always has. Luhan sometimes wonders if he has a closet full of smiles, one for everyday, like the clothes he wears for the job and just switches them so they look exactly the same.  
"Hey Minseok!" Yixing smiled back happily, disgusting Luhan. The small man smiles and walks with them with his sign on hand.  
"Hello Yixing! Mister Luhan, how are you? It's strange seeing you around here so early." he states.  
"Had a half day at work," he answers with no interest to continue the conversation. He hears the crossing guard make an enlightened _'ah'_ and sees his continuous smile as they reach the end, safely across on the other side.  
"Stay safe guys~ It's a bit hot, so drink plenty of water, ok?" he states. Yixing laughs amusedly, like a child answering a sweet 'ok, you too' at the small man. Luhan simply ignores the comment and gives a noncommittal wave as they walk away towards the cafe. 

"See? Nice people." Yixing states matter of factly, as if this was solid proof there was only ever nice people living around him. Even though Luhan's cynical side tells him to say something witty back, his eyes are distracted by the glow of yellow making it's way back towards the small chair. Luhan almost feels bad for the crossing guard until he remembers how annoying he thinks he is. But he can't help the little burst of happiness that fills his chest realizing he's thirsty, and remembering the nice words to _stay hydrated._

With an indifferent shrug, Luhan turns front again and mumbles a low 'whatever' at Yixing instead.  
___________________________________________________

One morning, Luhan approaches the street across the school on his way to work and is shocked to see a different crossing guard at the spot Minseok, the regular crossing guard, usually is. He approaches in the same regular manner as he always does. The man replacing the gummy smile and crescent eyes is an older man who detachedly says good morning to everyone as they're crossing. The children say their usual hellos, albeit a little less enthusiastically than they usually do to their everyday friend. He hears a few kids ask around. _'Where's Minseok oppa today?'_ and he honestly wonders that as well. It was rare for him to not be around, especially around this time of the year when it's so busy. The man with the fluorescent yellow vest and red stop sign spots him among the group of people and detachedly signals for them to cross. Luhan curiously watches the man from the corner of his eye, catching his gaze for a second before said man mutters a detached good morning and moves on with his life. No happy remarks about how life is beautiful, no suggestions for the day, no familiarity. 

To his shock and horror as he reaches the other side, he realizes he doesn't know what's worse.  
The cold detachment or the warm welcoming familiarity. 

_'What a stupid thing to worry about'_ he scolds himself.  
________________________________

"Hey have you guys seen the crossing guard from 9th and Luminous? What a jerk. What the hell happened to Minseok, I haven't seen him for a couple of days," Yixing asks the group randomly at one point. After a few days of being away, Jongdae, Baekhyun and Chanyeol were able to join Yixing, Luhan and Kyungsoo. They didn't live in the same city as the three latter, the three former living on the suburbs near by. If anyone could pick and even blander place, it was definitely those three, Luhan thought at one point. 

Chanyeol put his drink down after taking a big gulp.  
"Nah, I haven't passed by there. That one guy is still there too? What a cool dude." he says. Even Though they weren't from the same area, everyone had seen Minseok more than enough to remember him apparently, smiling happily after every interaction.  
"I hope he comes back. Minseok is so nice, I'd miss him if he got replaced." Baekhyun says.  
"Right? He always has something so nice to say~ With a friendly smile~ We need more of those happy go lucky people in society~" Yixing states.  
"I've only seen him a few times but yeah he's nice. He looks really young to be doing such a shitty job though, but I guess he likes it. Hopefully he comes back." Kyungsoo adds. Luhan scoffs. 

"What's the big deal? It's not like he has a hard job. It would be better if he got a better job than just doing the same crap all day." Luhan states annoyed at what they're talking about. Yixing stares at him with a mysterious look. Luhan realizes his outburst quickly, the others quietly staring at him. He realized then his statement had nothing to do with their conversation. It was just a random outburst.  
"Luhan, you don't like Minseok?" Yixing asks him curiously after a moment.  
"Ok, first of all, stop calling him Minseok like you're friends or something. And honestly, I don't really care, I mean he's not my friend or anything so why should I?" he simply states, looking at the screen to see what else is on TV. He hears Yixing scoff back at him.  
"Seriously, Luhan? What kind of person are you?? And don't lie you little shit, you seem to care about him at some level." He says. This catches Luhan's attention.  
"And why is that????? What makes you assume that???" he asks incredulously.  
"Don't think I haven't seen you, Lu. I can see your eyes light up when you see him sometimes. Maybe you can't see it, but I can."  
"What?? When?? What are you talking about?" he turns to glare at Yixing, his whole body turning in annoyance. Where the hell did this come from?  
"Remember when we were crossing the street that one time, and it was raining, and you didn't have your umbrella. and Minseok realized that so he grabbed the one from his chair and gave it to you?" Yixing asked him. Yes, he actually did remember that. It was because of that nice gesture that Luhan made it to the office on time instead of running back home to change and grab his own umbrella, and with only a slightly wet jacket instead of soaking wet. He doesn't see the correlation with Yixing's statement but he recalls the warm feeling of a kind gesture.  
"Yes, I remember that, I'm not an ungrateful person." he retorted.  
"Ok but do you remember how after that, you were really embarrassed every time you tried to give it back? I mean the look on your face, all flustered and cute as you tried almost makes it seem like--"  
"No, no, _no_ don't you dare imply this again--"  
"--Like you might be a bit more interested than you realize." Yixing finished. 

Luhan sighed exasperatedly.  
For some reason, Yixing continuously insists that Luhan is interested in the small crossing guard. He makes it a point to always get him out of the house in order to pass by there and, to what now Luhan realizes, force an interaction. Luhan has always believed love and other things relating to attraction will come naturally and he'll just know. He doesn't care whether it's a man or woman, he just simply waits for attraction to take it's course on it's own. 

But this? This was bullshit. 

Just as he convinces himself he's right, he's reminded of the crossing guards smile of thanks as Luhan handed him his umbrella back that one time, making another cheesy statement that makes Luhan want to gag but at that moment in time, had seemed so appropriate and gentle and nice and he couldn't help but smile back.

But No. No, no, no, _no_ , he most definitely is _not_ interested on such a person.  
"Yixing, _please_ cut the crap and let me watch the game in peace." he tells him. 

The next morning, Luhan's heart nearly stops at the sight of the familiar brown hair and smiling eyes as he approaches the street. Minseok, the crossing guard was there, his eyes landing on Luhan's stunned face, amusedly catching his eyes as he approached him. 

"Good Morning, Mister Luhan~" he states like he usually does.

Luhan's heart started doing stupid things at that moment. Like beating a little too fast. He mumbled a detached Good morning and sped up more than usual in order to avoid small talk. As he walked a few feet on the sidewalks pavement, he hard the familiar cheerfulness. 

"Watch your step, Mr. Luhan! Please stay safe!" he embarrassingly shouted at him, making Luhan's ears grow red in mortification. 

And instead of glaring like he wanted to, he smiled, slowing down and glancing back slightly. 

_'No. No, no, no. Not interest'_ he chants to himself, _'Just being friendly.'_

Just friendly.  
___________________________________________________

Over the next few weeks after Yixing so embarrassingly put Luhan on the spot about the crossing guard, he realized he was doing something so stupid to his own mind that he couldn't help but judge even himself. 

Every time he came across the point from the cafe to work, he'd take an extra long time to have as many people accumulate in order to avoid having any of those one on one interactions he always seemed to have with Minseok the crossing guard. It worked effectively enough a few times, even though he would catch the smaller man looking directly at him amongst the crowd of kids and mothers. He'd give him his usual _'Good morning, Mr. Luhan!'_ greeting as he always did, a normal thing that's been part of his routine for a long time now, but that was doing strange things to his fluttering heart. It was stupid, how one person's opinion suddenly makes something that meant nothing before mean so much suddenly. But Luhan couldn't help but notice the little extra attention Minseok the crossing guard gave him every morning, and afternoon at some occasions too. The way he smiled at him a little wider, his small teeth adding to his young appearance. The way his wide eyes looked directly at him. It wasn't just friendly gestures, kind words and the occasional quote in that same cheesy manner he always seemed to have. It was that he always did that for him and so far he hadn't witnessed anyone else receive that treatment from the small crossing guard. It made his already racing heart race a little more, quickly scolding himself for even having it happen in the first place. Luhan had always thought Minseok's personality was annoying and overly cheerful, his cynical side telling him he's better off without that sort of bullshit. He's always disliked positive people. But on the days Minseok hadn't been there, Luhan begrudgingly admitted it wasn't too bad. It was ok at most. But Luhan refused to feel special to this person. 

He refused himself the thought that it might mean something at all. 

On his way back from work, Luhan groaned realizing he had to pass by the school again. It only meant that He'd have to see Minseok the crossing guard once more on the same day, but there was no way around it. With his feet dragging across the pavement and heart racing inexplicably, he walked and spotted the familiar yellow. Minseok the crossing guard was sitting in his chair, a book in his hand, his eyes closed, he looked like he was about to drift off to sleep. Luhan chuckled to himself, amused. Minseok the crossing guard was always so vigilant and awake, it was strange to see him dozing off at work. _'What would your boss think, Mr. Perfect?'_ he teased cynically in his mind. His thoughts were cut short when Minseok the crossing guards eyes opened suddenly and looked directly at Luhan, making him stop in his tracks. His eyes were narrowed, like a cat's eyes, wide and intimidating as they looked straight at him from his position in the middle of the street and piercing right into Luhan's own eyes with intensity for a few seconds before recognition hit him and he smiled. Luhan was taken aback by the sudden change. Minseok the crossing guard stood up and continued with his ever present smile once again plastered to his face. 

"Hello Mr. Luhan! I'll be right there, give me just a moment~" he shouted over the cars passing by quickly. It was a busier time of the day, with the cars passing by at a slightly faster pace than they normally would when the children are going in or coming out of school. Luhan saw as Minseok attempted to halt the incoming cars with his sign, not succeeding after a few tries. It was pretty rude but not unheard of for this time of the day when the kids were already done with school, so Luhan waited patiently. 

"I'm so sorry! I'll get them to stop in a second, please wait for me there!" he shouted again. Luhan watched, feeling the second hand embarrassment of Minseok the crossing guards attempts to stop traffic. His eyebrows were furrowed in an annoyance Luhan hadn't seen before, but admittedly amused him a bit. _'Huh, so even you can crack, I guess.'_ he said to himself as he watched. 

Suddenly in a drastic moment of annoyance, Luhan saw as Minseok the crossing guard stepped further into the traffic, a little too close to the fast incoming and unforgiving cars. Luhan's body tensed on it's own. 

"Mr. Minseok--" he started saying before hearing the loud screech of a car's breaks from the friction between pavement and rubber making him momentarily close his eyes shut, only to quickly open them again to check his surroundings after a rather loud thud, and the sound of a heavy fall on the road. He then gasped in horror, seeing the smaller man's body had been pushed by a car and though it was only a slight distance, with enough force that he ended up on the floor on his side.

"Mr. Minseok!" he heard himself nearly shout as he dashed towards the man. The person in the car responsible for the hit got out and started talking in concern and fear, but Luhan could only see the impact from the cars hit on Minseok the crossing guards scrunched up face and his scraped knees, his normally sweet face twisted in agony, a scratch on his cheek.  
"Mr. Minseok, are you alright? Please, answer me." he asked as he kneeled beside the man, who was in a sitting position despite just having been hit by the car. 

Even through this all, Minseok the crossing guard smiled through his pain at Luhan.  
"I-I'm ok. It hurts a little bit but I've had worse happen." he said with a painful smile before wincing. Luhan immediately called the paramedics even if he saw many others on their own phones doing the same as people surrounded the scene. There were so many concerned faces, so many whispers and reassurances towards Minseok the crossing guard. _'Oh no, hang in there Minseok, you'll be fine!'_ he heard, _'Minseok is there anything we can do for you?'_ , _'You'll be alright, sweet Minseok'_. And through it all, Minseok the crossing guard continued the facade that it didn't hurt as much as it seemed until it was too much and his body fell backwards. Luhan's quick reflexes caught him right before he could hit the ground, his hand reaching behind and around the injured crossing guards back and then pulling him flush against his chest carefully. Luhan looked down in worry he had never felt before. Minseok the crossing guards eyes were closed, his eyelashes gently brushing against his cheeks, mouth slightly parted. Luhan panicked not knowing what to do, he had never been around a just-injured person before. Hearing the sirens, he sighed in relief as the bright red fire engines raced until they reached them. Then in a blur of movement and questions, Minseok the crossing guard was being raced down the street to the nearby hospital, leaving Luhan in a crowd of worried people, none of which could match Luhan's shattering heart. 

That night Luhan could not sleep for the life of him, seeing the face of the small man who brightened his day every morning, smiling through his own tears.  
______________________

It took a few days but Luhan decided to test his luck at trying to find where Minseok the crossing guard was residing. 

With a bit of luck (and the great help of lying by stating he was Minseok the crossing guards cousin) he ended up finding out what he was seeking. Luhan shuddered, feeling like some sort of creepy stalker, but he was just worried. He also felt very responsible for the turn of events, after all, if he hadn't tried to cross the street that day, then maybe that wouldn't have happened. 

_"That's ridiculous, Luhan. Even if it hadn't been you there, Minseok would've done that for someone else and probably would've still had that happen to him."_ Yixing had stated when Luhan, in a moment of one of his rants, had let it slip out of his mind. For some reason, Yixing's words stung Luhan in a way he didn't think they would. After all, even if he didn't want to think he was special to Minseok the crossing guard, he couldn't deny he still wanted to considered so anyway. There was still no evidence he behaved with anyone else the same way he did with him, Luhan immediately scolding himself as to why the hell he even cared to begin with. 

As he made his way down the long hall in the west wing’s fourth floor of the hospital Minseok the crossing guard had been sent to, he stopped by the desk and asked a nurse if he was in there. After asking who he was, she answered with a sad little smile. 

"Mr. Kim Minseok? He was sent home yesterday." she said to Luhan.  
"Oh. His injury wasn't that bad then?" he asked, curiously.  
"The only major injury he sustained was a direct hit to his stomach, which was bruised up from a bit of internal bleeding but we were able to confirm it wasn’t life threatening and were able to stop that relatively quickly. The rest were all just superficial scrapes and bruises. He's probably home resting now."  
"I see. Um, thank you." Luhan said to her. She smiled at him.  
"Mr. Kim is such a sweet person, please tell him on behalf of our staff we hope he has a full recovery soon." she tells him and smiles as Luhan walks away. 

For some reason, Luhan's insides twist a little bit in an unfamiliar feeling.

He fights with himself on whether he should visit Minseok at his house (another lie being the reason he had acquired that piece of information, too) now that he knows his address (which he still feels super creepy about knowing.) Simultaneously fighting with himself over the strange feeling and thoughts running around his head, his steps seemed even more heavy on the sidewalk. Ever since he's known of Minseok the crossing guards existence, he's only ever heard people praise and exclaim how nice he is. His friends, the regular morning passer-by's, even the staff in the hospital he stayed in. It irks him in a way he didn't think it could. What was this strange feeling? What could possibly explain why he feels this way?

Luhan shook his head out of those thoughts before turning on his heel the opposite way and heading home. 

No. No. He doesn't care. No matter how guilty he feels, he _doesn't_ care.  
______________________________________

"That's called jealousy, my friend." Yixing tells him. Yixing has both feet up on Luhan's ottoman, Luhan sitting right next to him with his own doing the same. After another one of his random rants, Luhan realized he should probably try to filter his brain so conversations like this didn't need to happen. 

"What are you talking about? Jealousy? Of what could I possibly be jealous of, Xing?" He asked, taking a handful of popcorn and stuffing his face.  
"Why can't you just admit you're interested in Minseok? Why is it so hard?" Yixing says, looking at him like he had lobsters coming out of his ears.  
"I'm not interested in him though??? Why would I be?" Luhan asks, his heart betraying his words underneath his shirt.  
"You can _not_ be that blind, Luhan." he deadpans.  
"Why are you so convinced that I'm interested? Why are you constantly trying to prove it?" Luhan asks, turning with an incredulous brow at his friend, who scoffed un-amusedly.  
"Just listen to yourself. One of these days, I'm definitely placing a secret app on your phone so it can record you and all the times you've been talking about Minseok lately." he says. Luhan, annoyed sat up.  
"We've been through this a million times! Stop calling him Minseok like you're friends!" he said annoyed. Yixing sat up as well.  
"Why, are you _jealous_ or something? Besides Minseok said I could when we met." he retorted back, petulantly. Luhan furrowed his brows.  
"He said the same to me, but you don't see me being rude and taking advantage!" he hissed back at Yixing.

That last part made Luhan's blood boil. The fact he had told Yixing right off the bat to just call him Minseok too made Luhan feel all sorts of things. Not happy things. He huffed and shrank back down into his seat, grabbing the control and changing the channel. 

"Hey! I was watching that!" Yixing yelled, trying to snatch the control, but Luhan was faster. 

"Go to your own house and watch TV then if you want control!" he said to him.  
_______________________________________________

A few days later, Luhan waited every morning to see if Minseok returned to his post. He was only half hoping it was true what he'd heard about him moving away (No, that was a lie, he was completely hoping it was all a lie). He realized he could've gone to ask him himself, since he has his address (still creepy) and he could've tried to visit but he resisted, and _goddamn_ did he resist because it was very difficult. Luhan didn't understand what was happening to him. He had never acted this attached or careful. On the first day he saw Minseok the crossing guard back at his regular position near the school, he almost fainted trying to hide from the others view. He instead opted for watching from a distance as Minseok the crossing guard greeted people in his same familiar and welcoming smile. That _awful_ feeling in his stomach returned, twisting painfully and making his face feel stiff from trying not to frown. He didn't want to pay attention, but he did, torturously. As he had been doing before, he waited for a big group to form before crossing as far away as possible. He couldn't help but notice and frown slightly as he heard the sweet greetings he usually heard from the other as he rushed past them all. He succeeded on getting to the other side without being spotted, apparently, no welcoming or parting greeting being yelled at him directly as it was usual before. Luhan sighed, dreading his walk to work even more. 

That didn't stop him the days after from doing the exact same thing. Peeking slightly in embarrassment behind a wall, waiting for a group and nearly running across, a strange feeling in his face which felt warm. It wasn't that Luhan was stupid, he recognized what all of this was. But he didn't want it. He didn't want this attachment to the small man. His routine had been greatly altered. He suddenly missed his calm mornings and easy going walks. He didn't even want to drink coffee anymore. He felt bitter enough watching the sweet interactions Minseok had with other people. It bothered him strangely, especially when he saw young guys speak with the other, like a feeling of needles stabbing him in the chest. It was casual, nothing like his usual greetings and words for Luhan, which slightly calmed down his flipping stomach. 

Then one day, it happened.  
He saw a person who received the same treatment he did. 

Luhan had walked up to his now usual hiding spot to wait for the big group to cross. In his peripheral vision he saw an approaching young man walking ahead, unbeknownst to him there was someone hiding along the wall, large steps taking him closer and closer to the sidewalk. Minseok the crossing guard spotted him and Luhan swore his eyes were a little brighter, his smile was a little wider and with his normally sweet voice, he heard the words.  
"Hiya Mr. Choi! It's a beautiful day isn't it?" he said in a familiar tone. Immediately, Luhan's heart jerked in a painful twist.  
"Good morning, Minseok-ah. It is indeed. How are you feeling?" he heard the man say to Minseok the crossing guard with a familiarity that had his jaw lock slightly as the two walked side by side across the street, Minseok's sign just visible enough to stop any incoming cars. The fact that they were conversing so casually didn't sit very well with Luhan all of a sudden. But who was he to say anything, right? Reaching the end of the street, he heard Minseok the crossing guard say an unfamiliar greeting. Not one ever directed at him.  
"It was lovely seeing you today, Mr. Choi. Don't be a stranger and come visit me more often~" he finished with a more casual than normal smile.

And it was so insignificant. It was so common and cliche and not out of line at all, but the fact that he had never told Luhan any of those words, and never in that familiar manner after all these years really left a bitter taste in his suddenly dry mouth. 

Forgetting to hide himself as completely as he had, Luhan walked over to the edge, not caring anymore, Minseok the crossing guard spotting him immediately. 

"Hello Mr. Luhan--" he started, but Luhan sped walked past him without a greeting.  
___________________________________________________________________

It happened a lot more times after that, he realized. More familiar tones, more intimate greetings than the ones directed at him, some he hadn't realized, or maybe he had refused to acknowledge. It was eating away at Luhan's sanity. He wanted to not care but for some reason that was just as damn difficult as not paying attention to the others. He tried to reason with himself. He tried to convince himself this wasn't anything, that none of this meant a thing. Why would it? He didn't know anything about Minseok the crossing guard besides random little bits of where he lives (still creepy as hell) and his occupation. But the voice of reason in his head told him he was being a dumbass. Luhan was stubborn and competitive. While that was a great feat in a sports team, in a regular day it was just idiotic. 

He walked by the school at one point and upon hearing greeting after greeting, Luhan just sighed and kept walking.  
Minseok the crossing guard, however, was faster that day, coming right beside him as he set foot on the road, looking straight at Luhan with worried eyes.  
"Mr. Luhan are you alright?" he asked him directly. Luhan looked right back at those wide eyes, the dark brown irises, the small pupils. Why was Minseok the crossing guard asking this?  
"I'm fine. Why do you ask?" he said, continuing with his commute as normally as humanly possible with his sweaty palms and body telling him to stop.  
"I don't know, I feel like you're a little bit distracted lately." Minseok the crossing guard tells him. Luhan feels a painful jerk in his heart, because really why would Minseok the crossing guard care? And how did he even notice?  
But no, he still doesn’t want this. Whatever this is.  
"I'm alright. Don't worry about it." he says with his best imitation of a genuine smile.  
However, Minseok's face is different as it looks at him carefully. His normal happy expression filled face is blank and almost cold and calculating. Luhan tries not to fidget under the intense stare of the other. Then, Minseok the crossing guards face breaks into what Luhan thinks is the first genuine smile he's seen on him. 

"Please take care, Luhan." he says to him with a small wave before turning around and walking away towards another group of kids. 

Luhan didn't even realize he had made it to the other side, his heart ablaze and his ears, equally, burning.  
_________________________________________________

Ever since that day, Luhan realized there was no point to beat around the bush. 

Obviously, whatever his heart was feeling, was strong enough to pull at his mind at every waking moment of the day. Months of walking around and pretending that Minseok the crossing guard... 

 

.....No, for a long time, Luhan _knew_ he liked Minseok. 

His mornings from then on were of a heavy beating heart as he passed by Minseok's spot right there on the middle of ninth and Luminous on his way towards his job. Everything about his routine was the same. 

But this, this was different. 

A simple morning greeting from Minseok set Luhan's heart on fire. Sometimes he talked a little more. Sometimes a little less, but still unable to hide how magnetized he was by the other. Luhan realized he was actively participating in a conversation he never knew he'd want. 

At some point, Minseok had laughed and said to him "Please, we've known eachother for so long, call me Minseok." And that was enough to tear a wedge of unfamiliarity he didn't know was there. Yixing noticed immediately the change between the two one morning as he joined Luhan for his morning coffee. As he reached the point where Minseok stood, Luhan's features broke into a sunny smile of pure, untouchable happiness he had never seen on his face. Yixing was almost taken aback as he realized Minseok's smile towards Luhan was also different from the rest of the smiles he'd seen on him. 

"Good morning, Luhan." Minseok had greeted warmly, familiarly, with a suggestion of intimacy.  
"Minseok." Luhan had nodded returning all the feelings in a single gesture and glance.

"Hiya Minseok" Yixing had greeted late, distracted by the electricity. Minseok laughed.  
"Good morning, Yixing~" he added his extra cheerfulness for Yixing only. 

But not for Luhan.  
For Luhan it had been nothing but an unforced, sincere greeting.  
__________________________________________________________

Luhan tried to muster up his courage up on asking for Minseok's address, even if he already knew it. (When will he _NOT_ feel creepy about that?)  
Minseok complied, jotting it down hurriedly on the back of Luhan's hand, instead of either of them thinking of using their phones, something both men poked fun at each other for later on.

Eventually after days of patiently waiting, Luhan and Minseok had their first hang out session alone, away from unprofessional greetings and timed moments. To Luhan's surprise, Minseok's small apartment wasn't very far from his own living quarters. It was a few blocks on the opposite side (Luhan realized he had the wrong address all along, after he tried to go on his own one day) and it was located in an area much nicer than Luhan's. He had taken a seat uncomfortably at first, but soon after a few more times of spending time together in the others apartment, he grew used to it's cleanliness, it's smell, it's brightness. Minseok loved order it appeared, his immaculately clean house as symbol of that. Luhan learned he was older than him by a few months but other wise they were basically twins in the area of interests. Minseok liked a lot of the same things Luhan did. Music, soccer, funny videos, the basic stuff. Unlike himself, Minseok was a lot more shy than he led on in his job. 

Luhan realized how different Minseok was from his day to day job. Minseok the crossing guard was a giant ball of radiant positivity, cheesy cliche lines and enthusiastic greetings. Luhan still refused to acknowledge the other people he greeted as warmly as he had done with him for so long because of what he acknowledges now for what it was, jealousy. But Minseok on his own element, his own environment, was calm and relaxed, a constant radiance of icy coolness to pair up with his surprisingly masculine aura despite his beautiful features. Minseok was a bit more closed off than he had imagined, too. But with patience, he had earned his trust to a certain extent and realized that trait didn’t dull his contrasting bright-in-it’s-own-way kind of personality. Eventually, Luhan's curiosity got the best of him and he forgot to put a filter to his mouth before he asked. 

"What do you mean?" Minseok had laughed at the sudden question.  
"I don't know, I mean- you're very different from what I thought you'd be." Luhan stated, sitting next to Minseok on his couch. Luhan had invited him over this time. He had been over several times as it was, but this time, Minseok and Luhan were alone without the presence of Luhan’s friends.  
"I have to be. It's my job to help little kids cross the road. Kinda don't want to be the grouchy cross guard that scars them for life,." he replied taking a sip of his beer.  
"See that's another thing I don't get. Why are you at that job? You're pretty damn smart. Why are you wasting your time there?" he asked jokingly, but Minseok's smile fell pretty quickly after, making Luhan regret his question.  
"It makes me happy. I know it seems stupid but right now, this job, seeing little kids cross the street happily every day, without a care in the world, it makes me happy enough," he replied looking up at Luhan, who immediately felt bad.  
"I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound like... like I was making fun of you or something." he replied. Minseok let out a small chuckle, shaking his head.  
"Can I tell you something? I hope it won't be too much but I guess it would explain a little more." he asked him. Luhan nodded.  
"You ever wake up in the morning and have that feeling like you can take on the world with just a single triumphant pose, like in those cheesy stories or commercials?" he asked. Luhan laughs not knowing where his statement was going.  
"Not exactly, but I have... or had something similar." he replied, placing his arm above the couch and stretching it so it was just a few centimeters from Minseok's head.  
"Well I haven't. I've never had that feeling at all," he replied numbly, "I mean, I had a normal childhood and I was brought up well. Nothing bad ever happened to me, not yet anyway. I had friends, I wasn't lonely. There was nothing to blame. But some time along my sixteenth birthday, I started waking up with the feeling like there was no reason to do so," he stated, looking towards the ceiling. Luhan paid close attention, looking at the smaller male.  
"I felt like everything was dull. I hated waking up in the morning knowing I'd have to do the same thing over and over. But I didn't know what else to do with my life. I didn't have any dreams or aspirations. I wasn't exceptional. I felt like I had no soul." Minseok said, blinking his eyes rapidly. Luhan realized Minseok was probably trying to stop himself from tearing up.  
"Then one day, I met a man, a man who helped me cross the street just like I do now, a crossing guard. It doesn't seem like much but I saw him every day, and he was different from the rest of the people I had met at that moment in life. Like, he always had such a nice and beautiful way to see the world, unlike the rest who didn’t seem to care at all for what they were doing. At first he annoyed me, I was so cynical. But after talking to him, asking him questions, interacting everyday, seeing him cheered me up. Hearing his words always struck something in me after that. I mean, we're supposed to be strong men right?" he laughed, "But I felt so weak before, and he helped me realize little by little how shit I thought life was. I hated waking up everyday, but I never changed anything either. I had never thought to give the world a chance because I had been so busy hating it, and myself. I had never thought to give myself the chance to enjoy my life," he turned to look at Luhan, who eyed him curiously with a bit of guilt in his face. Those were a few familiar feelings to Luhan. Not all of them but he couldn’t imagine someone so beautiful and smart and kind could feel this way.  
"That's when I realized that the only thing I want in life is to help other people beat their own demons. And so when I graduated High school, I enrolled in college to study Childhood and Adolescent psychology to help young people beat depression, Depression like mine had been," he said with a small smile. Luhan smiled back at him, pulling his arm in and rested his cheek on his hand.  
"And so you became a crossing guard for that reason too?"  
"Actually no," Minseok said laughing, "I applied to a lot of things but this was one of the few that had better hours to fit my class schedule and, well it was just a coincidence right?" he said smiling. 

Luhan couldn't help it. Seeing Minseok's smile, hearing his laugh, seeing his proximity. After listening to him share such a close story to his heart, Luhan couldn't help it. He stared directly into Minseok's eyes, catching his gaze and making him stay perfectly still for what seemed like an eternity to the other. 

"Luhan?" he asked him, trying to break the suddenly heavy feeling.  
"Luhan are you ok?" he asked him, scooting closer to touch Luhan's forehead playfully. Instead Luhan took the opportunity to close the distance between them, tilting his head to accomodate himself near Minseok’s face, hearing Minseok gasp for a second before he hovered his lips right above the others. It was only a feather touch, but it burned him from the inside out. He could feel Minseok's warm breath on his own lips, the smaller man's breathing speeding up slightly in surprise. Luhan pressed in for just a second before pulling back just a fraction. He didn't know what to do. Should he keep going? He scolded himself into thinking he’d gone too far, that perhaps Minseok wasn’t interested in the same way he was. But Minseok hadn't moved either, their faces still nearly connected if only for a miniscule separation, their eyes closed, but their breaths heavy and the tension in the air welcoming and warm and heavy with affection. Just when he was about to move back, he felt Minseok's arm move, making Luhan open his eyes slightly to see his slight smile, their noses touching just as slightly before fully pressing their foreheads together, Minseok's arm reaching out behind Luhan's head and pulling him closer. 

"Don't stop." he told him, and that was all he needed before all of Luhan's self control broke. 

And so their story continued in the same dull manner of an everyday life, as per say, but everything was different for the two, two people who had hated routine and boredom, the two strangers living in the same dull town in black and white colors. Luhan's life continued on as it was before, his wanderlust still not satisfied to the fullest. Minseok still patiently helping people cross the street much like the legend of the river Styx, but there was something different in between the boredom of everyday life and the colorful existence within tangled limbs every morning possible, sunny smiles and weekends of adventure, not the adventure Luhan seeked still, but adventure nonetheless; adventure welcomed with open arms anyway. And the nights were no different, with marks and scratches of possessiveness on both their bodies to show the undying affection forming between the once strangers as Luhan showed Minseok just how much he adored him, all of him.

Luhan walked on the corner of 9th and Luminous, his black dress up shirt matching his black dress pants, his hair a stylish blonde, almost grey actually. As he neared the road, he spotted the ball of yellow brightness across the street, spotting the beautiful happy face making it's way towards him. 

"Good morning, Lu," he heard Minseok, the crossing guard, say to him as he walked beside him across the street. But before they reached the end, Luhan's face betrayed his calm exterior, grabbing Minseok, by the arm and dipping him slightly, placing a sweet and long kiss on his lips right there in the middle of the road, before pulling back and seeing Minseok's blushing, breathless face, smiling at him intimately, irresistibly, happily. 

"Good morning, my love."

**Author's Note:**

> I know this isn't the most creative or amazing thing ever but I hope it's enjoyed by someone. This is heavily inspired by the wonderful fic "Monochrome" by Jinwonzi since it's one of the cutest and sweetest fics I've read. She'll never know I wrote this for her because I'm not a social person but yeah ROFL
> 
> EDIT: SHE KNOWS I WROTE THIS FOR HER *squeals because senpai noticed nabsksbaks*


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